Today is a momentous day. My emotions are on high alert and the (happy) tears are ready to spill over. One year ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Last night Keith and I sat up past midnight (and I am paying for it today!), reminiscing about the highs and lows of the past year. It was such a sweet time of sharing our memories and reminding each other of the ways God blessed us – through His presence, His peace, through the kind acts of others. We remembered the very hard day when we had to drive to Waco to tell Paige and Chance about my diagnosis – and they had only been married for three weeks! And we remembered the good day three weeks ago, on June 2, when I received the positive report from my CT scan showing NO cancer. And we talked about the ways God has changed us by strengthening our faith and our desire to walk near to Him each day. He grew our love and respect for one another to a new, deeper level.
There is a beautiful passage in Isaiah 38 where King Hezekiah writes a joyful tribute to honor God for his healing. He says, “You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.” And there you have it. God took something bad like cancer and wove it into a benefit (blessing). Isn’t that just like God? When I allow Him to be in control, I receive an overflow of joy and peace – regardless of my circumstances.
I told Keith last night that once all my treatments ended in March, I spent a few weeks being concerned (okay, I admit it, I was worried!) about if or when cancer might recur. Let’s face it, it happens sometimes. But those worries/fears/concerns have simply disappeared. “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matt. 6:27) I just refuse to worry about the future. One of our favorite sayings as I was going through cancer treatments was, “It is what it is.” But last night I said, “You know, I’m no longer saying, ‘It is what it is.’ Now, “It is whatever He wants it to be.”
So here we are, one year later. We are much wiser, much stronger, much more blessed. This time last year my sweet pastor sent us a note of encouragement and reminded us that, “God is ENOUGH.” He was right. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26)
Today is the first day of the rest of my life WITHOUT cancer. Paige and Chance sent me a beautiful bouquet of pink flowers to celebrate my first survivor anniversary. Keith is taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I am blessed beyond measure. Ain’t life grand??
Jun 24, 2009
Jun 23, 2009
Cancer in the Past Tense!
This is a very momentous week. Wednesday, June 24, is the one year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. My mind has been in overload for several days as I have been revisiting countless events and emotions from this past year. I have been through four months of chemo, one major surgery and three day surgeries, six weeks of radiation, countless tests, shots, bloodwork, etc. The great news is that Dr. Juvvadi declared me to be cancer-free on June 2! I still have another major reconstruction surgery on December 9, but between now and then I have no reason to visit my recent home away from home - Baylor Medical Center at Irving. I just get to be NORMAL!
Speaking of returning to normal, I said good-bye and packed away my WIG on May 2. I now have a thick head of hair with the exception of my bangs, which are still a little short. However - my hair came back CURLY! It's just the craziest thing. I've had to learn how to dry curly hair, how to style it...and most of all, I've had to get used to the strange person looking back at me when I look in the mirror. I look different. But I suppose I AM different. I've been through a life-changing year and not only do I look different on the outside, but I am different on the inside, too.
There is nothing like a cancer diagnosis to cause you to reconsider your priorities (cleaning house is way down on the list now!). This diagnosis also sent me straight into the arms of a loving Savior who led me and mine through the ups and downs of treatment with such hope, joy, and PEACE. I had some really tough days, and I can still recall the wretchedness of nausea and fatigue with such clarity, but He was always so near and never failed to give me strength for the moment.
As I contemplate the events of the past year, the word that most often comes to mind is GRATITUDE. I don't have the words (or the space) to describe how grateful I am for where I've been and where I am today. I've told some of you that if I were given a do-over for June 24, 2008, and had the opportunity to avoid the cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't take it. I have been so blessed by God's faithfulness, by His nearness, His strength, His love...I am different - and better- because of this journey. I discovered there is joy in His presence, regardless of my circumstances. I wouldn't have learned this incomparable lesson without being in this hard place.
I am also so grateful to my family for surrounding me with love and supporting me with their presence and their prayers. They sat with me through the doctor appointments, the treatments, the surgeries. They cooked me goodies, gave me presents - but their best gift was the time we spent together. We learned about crazy things like blood counts and the settings on the chemo drip – and I was so happy to have them with me.
Sweet Keith. I wish I could describe the ways he loved me this year. His presence makes me stronger. He saw me at my very worst – no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I looked pitiful. But he didn’t mind, or even notice. That’s because he loves my heart. I know this because he told me so. His love makes me stronger. He is the most amazing man I know, and I get to grow old with him.
I am grateful, too, for my extended family, church family and friends who prayed me through these months. Let me be perfectly clear: I am certain that the reason I made it through these months was due to the prayers of the saints. The kindness of so many through their cards, notes, phone calls, food, flowers – more kindness than I can name – has given me precious memories.
So, I want to send a great, big THANK YOU to all of you who have loved me this year. I want you to know I love you back. I want you to know that you have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family. As Keith often says, “Ain’t life grand?” Yes, it truly is.
Speaking of returning to normal, I said good-bye and packed away my WIG on May 2. I now have a thick head of hair with the exception of my bangs, which are still a little short. However - my hair came back CURLY! It's just the craziest thing. I've had to learn how to dry curly hair, how to style it...and most of all, I've had to get used to the strange person looking back at me when I look in the mirror. I look different. But I suppose I AM different. I've been through a life-changing year and not only do I look different on the outside, but I am different on the inside, too.
There is nothing like a cancer diagnosis to cause you to reconsider your priorities (cleaning house is way down on the list now!). This diagnosis also sent me straight into the arms of a loving Savior who led me and mine through the ups and downs of treatment with such hope, joy, and PEACE. I had some really tough days, and I can still recall the wretchedness of nausea and fatigue with such clarity, but He was always so near and never failed to give me strength for the moment.
As I contemplate the events of the past year, the word that most often comes to mind is GRATITUDE. I don't have the words (or the space) to describe how grateful I am for where I've been and where I am today. I've told some of you that if I were given a do-over for June 24, 2008, and had the opportunity to avoid the cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't take it. I have been so blessed by God's faithfulness, by His nearness, His strength, His love...I am different - and better- because of this journey. I discovered there is joy in His presence, regardless of my circumstances. I wouldn't have learned this incomparable lesson without being in this hard place.
I am also so grateful to my family for surrounding me with love and supporting me with their presence and their prayers. They sat with me through the doctor appointments, the treatments, the surgeries. They cooked me goodies, gave me presents - but their best gift was the time we spent together. We learned about crazy things like blood counts and the settings on the chemo drip – and I was so happy to have them with me.
Sweet Keith. I wish I could describe the ways he loved me this year. His presence makes me stronger. He saw me at my very worst – no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I looked pitiful. But he didn’t mind, or even notice. That’s because he loves my heart. I know this because he told me so. His love makes me stronger. He is the most amazing man I know, and I get to grow old with him.
I am grateful, too, for my extended family, church family and friends who prayed me through these months. Let me be perfectly clear: I am certain that the reason I made it through these months was due to the prayers of the saints. The kindness of so many through their cards, notes, phone calls, food, flowers – more kindness than I can name – has given me precious memories.
So, I want to send a great, big THANK YOU to all of you who have loved me this year. I want you to know I love you back. I want you to know that you have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family. As Keith often says, “Ain’t life grand?” Yes, it truly is.
Dec 26, 2008
Let Me Tell You What He Has Done For ME
Merry Christmas! I hope you had a wonderful day filled with special time spent with those you love best. I certainly did! We started celebrating on Christmas Eve with the annual Patton family gourmet Christmas Eve dinner prepared by none other than Chef Keith. This year his menu included prime rib, twice baked potatoes. steamed asparagus with lemon butter sauce, holiday ambrosia, and Pears Noel - a fabulous new addition to the menu that will definitely become an annual tradition. Paige and I took turns helping out in the kitchen, and we had such fun. It was quite the feast. Keith's mom joined me, Keith, Chance and Paige for the evening, and it was such a sweet time of celebration with my family.
On Christmas morning we went to my Mom and Dad's house for Christmas brunch. Again, it was another sweet time with family and lots of great food. We especially enjoyed having two new boys in our family this year! Paige's husband, Chance, and my ten-month-old nephew, Gabe!
We had decided that we would have a small Christmas this year and keep the Christmas gifts at a minimum. Everyone received something they wanted, but the gifts were not the focus this year. For one thing, I had surgery the week before Christmas, so we really have been focused on getting me through that. After we opened our gifts on Christmas Eve, we talked about how our attitude toward presents had changed this year. I think this was was our best Christmas ever, but the reason it was so wonderful was because we spent time together, enjoying one another, and we had family time sharing about all the things we have to be thankful for this year.
My favorite Christmas present was a handmade gift that Paige created at a little pottery store in Waco. She decorated a ceramic tile that sets in an easel. On the tile, she wrote out Psalm 66:16, the Scripture verse that I claimed back in my Sept. 6 blog: "Come and listen, all of you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me." The tile is now on my mantel as a continual reminder of the amazing story God has given me to share. Despite living with cancer these past six months, He has been more than enough to meet every need and to reveal Himself to me and teach me how to depend on Him for absolutely everything.
As you know, I learned last week that I will have to undergo six weeks of radiation therapy, despite all our hopes that I wouldn't need this treatment. I met with my radiation oncologist on Wednesday, and I like him so much. I set an appointment for January 15 to have all my markings (these are made with indelible ink) made on my chest to prepare me for the beginning of treatment. I also received the most encouraging news. Since I have to go in for treatment every day (Mon-Fri) for all six weeks, I was so concerned about how to make that work with my work schedule. The doctor explained that their office opens at 8am, so I can simply go by the hospital first thing every morning, get my five minute zap of treatment, and then head on to work. That means this should cause very little inconvenience with my normal work schedule. And the only side effect is a little fatigue - less than what goes along with chemo - so I know I can handle that.
As I was dealing with my new reality of positive lymph nodes, more treatment, etc. this week, I found such an encouragement in 2 Chronicles 20:12. It says, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You." That's where I find myself now. I have no control over the cancer, over the results of the pathology, so I can only trust God and His plan. A few verses later, in 2 Chronicles 20:17, God told the Israelites: "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you." A few verses later, BEFORE they had been delivered, the people began to worship the Lord "for the splendor of his holiness."
So there you have it. I will face tomorrow, and God will be with me. I will worship Him NOW for what we know He will do for me, for the wonderful things we know He has planned for me. When I reach the end of cancer treatment (whenever that may be!!) I will have such an incredible story to tell..."let me tell you what He has done for me!" (Psalm 66:16)
Have a blessed 2009!
On Christmas morning we went to my Mom and Dad's house for Christmas brunch. Again, it was another sweet time with family and lots of great food. We especially enjoyed having two new boys in our family this year! Paige's husband, Chance, and my ten-month-old nephew, Gabe!
We had decided that we would have a small Christmas this year and keep the Christmas gifts at a minimum. Everyone received something they wanted, but the gifts were not the focus this year. For one thing, I had surgery the week before Christmas, so we really have been focused on getting me through that. After we opened our gifts on Christmas Eve, we talked about how our attitude toward presents had changed this year. I think this was was our best Christmas ever, but the reason it was so wonderful was because we spent time together, enjoying one another, and we had family time sharing about all the things we have to be thankful for this year.
My favorite Christmas present was a handmade gift that Paige created at a little pottery store in Waco. She decorated a ceramic tile that sets in an easel. On the tile, she wrote out Psalm 66:16, the Scripture verse that I claimed back in my Sept. 6 blog: "Come and listen, all of you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me." The tile is now on my mantel as a continual reminder of the amazing story God has given me to share. Despite living with cancer these past six months, He has been more than enough to meet every need and to reveal Himself to me and teach me how to depend on Him for absolutely everything.
As you know, I learned last week that I will have to undergo six weeks of radiation therapy, despite all our hopes that I wouldn't need this treatment. I met with my radiation oncologist on Wednesday, and I like him so much. I set an appointment for January 15 to have all my markings (these are made with indelible ink) made on my chest to prepare me for the beginning of treatment. I also received the most encouraging news. Since I have to go in for treatment every day (Mon-Fri) for all six weeks, I was so concerned about how to make that work with my work schedule. The doctor explained that their office opens at 8am, so I can simply go by the hospital first thing every morning, get my five minute zap of treatment, and then head on to work. That means this should cause very little inconvenience with my normal work schedule. And the only side effect is a little fatigue - less than what goes along with chemo - so I know I can handle that.
As I was dealing with my new reality of positive lymph nodes, more treatment, etc. this week, I found such an encouragement in 2 Chronicles 20:12. It says, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You." That's where I find myself now. I have no control over the cancer, over the results of the pathology, so I can only trust God and His plan. A few verses later, in 2 Chronicles 20:17, God told the Israelites: "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you." A few verses later, BEFORE they had been delivered, the people began to worship the Lord "for the splendor of his holiness."
So there you have it. I will face tomorrow, and God will be with me. I will worship Him NOW for what we know He will do for me, for the wonderful things we know He has planned for me. When I reach the end of cancer treatment (whenever that may be!!) I will have such an incredible story to tell..."let me tell you what He has done for me!" (Psalm 66:16)
Have a blessed 2009!
Dec 20, 2008
I had surgery on Wednesday, and I am happy to report that it was very successful, according to both my surgeon and my plastic surgeon. The surgery took about 5.5 hours, and after leaving the recovery room I was taken to a private room, where I spent Wednesday and Thursday nights. I had a little trouble on Wednesday night with nausea, probably from all the pain medication. But what a wonderful surprise when Paige walked into my room around 9:30 pm! I wasn't expecting her until the following evening, and I was thrilled to see her. Keith slept in the room with me that first night, and we experienced that fun hospital routine of being awakened every two hours by the nurses to take my vital signs, etc.
Thursday seemed to fly by for me although not much happened. I napped on and off. When I woke up Friday morning, I was ready to go home! I had a rougher day Friday - the pain was worse, and I just wanted to be at home in my recliner in my familiar surroundings. Dr. White came by around 11am, and agreed to let me go home, so we packed up and I was home a little after noon. Keith and Paige did laundry, cooked, and took such good care of me. My mom had made us homemade potato soup and cherry pie, so we were set. I will be home for the next few weeks in recovery mode.
Friday afternoon, Keith and Paige ran an errand, and when they came back, they started acting very suspicious! (Let me back up - Keith and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary on Monday, 12/22.) Suddenly Paige had the stereo turned on, playing "our song" - the song that was playing when Keith first kissed me over 30 years ago. Then Keith knelt beside my chair, said some beautiful things to me, and then pulled out a little box - you know, the kind of little box that girls get very excited about! He and Paige had been conspiring for months, and while I left my wedding ring at home during my hospital stay, he had the diamond from my wedding ring re-set into a brand new setting!! Can you say bling?! Can you say beautiful? It is the most fabulous ring and I can't stop looking at it on my finger! Keith completely surprised me.
Unfortunately, Friday afternoon also brought some news from the doctor that we were hoping not to hear. Dr. Clifford called with the pathology results from surgery, and while we knew the chemo did a great job shrinking the tumor, apparently it did not do such a great job on the lymph nodes, because I have five lymph nodes that came back showing active cancer cells. So, radiation is no longer an option, but a requirement. I don't have any more details at the moment; I have an appointment with Dr. Clifford on Tuesday morning and will get more information when we see him.
I was so determined - and optimistic - that surgery would be the end of my treatment. I just didn't think I would have to go down the radiation path. But as I have said all along, God is in control, and I am in His hand, and there is no better place to be. So we will continue with whatever treatment plan is necessary and best to bring us to a positive conclusion to my treatment.
Today I read this passage in Ephesians that encouraged me:
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ , the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:17-19
I can testify that experiencing cancer these past six months has certainly allowed me and my family to know Him more as we have trusted Him and placed our hope in Him regarding my health. Through his Spirit, those of us who believe have access to his incomparably great power - and his power is perfect, able to heal our diseases. Would you please join me and my family in praying for my complete healing as I recover from surgery and make plans for radiation treatment? My hope is that my life will be an testimony of God's healing power.
I'll give you an update next week after I see the doctor. God is good...ALL the time.
Thursday seemed to fly by for me although not much happened. I napped on and off. When I woke up Friday morning, I was ready to go home! I had a rougher day Friday - the pain was worse, and I just wanted to be at home in my recliner in my familiar surroundings. Dr. White came by around 11am, and agreed to let me go home, so we packed up and I was home a little after noon. Keith and Paige did laundry, cooked, and took such good care of me. My mom had made us homemade potato soup and cherry pie, so we were set. I will be home for the next few weeks in recovery mode.
Friday afternoon, Keith and Paige ran an errand, and when they came back, they started acting very suspicious! (Let me back up - Keith and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary on Monday, 12/22.) Suddenly Paige had the stereo turned on, playing "our song" - the song that was playing when Keith first kissed me over 30 years ago. Then Keith knelt beside my chair, said some beautiful things to me, and then pulled out a little box - you know, the kind of little box that girls get very excited about! He and Paige had been conspiring for months, and while I left my wedding ring at home during my hospital stay, he had the diamond from my wedding ring re-set into a brand new setting!! Can you say bling?! Can you say beautiful? It is the most fabulous ring and I can't stop looking at it on my finger! Keith completely surprised me.
Unfortunately, Friday afternoon also brought some news from the doctor that we were hoping not to hear. Dr. Clifford called with the pathology results from surgery, and while we knew the chemo did a great job shrinking the tumor, apparently it did not do such a great job on the lymph nodes, because I have five lymph nodes that came back showing active cancer cells. So, radiation is no longer an option, but a requirement. I don't have any more details at the moment; I have an appointment with Dr. Clifford on Tuesday morning and will get more information when we see him.
I was so determined - and optimistic - that surgery would be the end of my treatment. I just didn't think I would have to go down the radiation path. But as I have said all along, God is in control, and I am in His hand, and there is no better place to be. So we will continue with whatever treatment plan is necessary and best to bring us to a positive conclusion to my treatment.
Today I read this passage in Ephesians that encouraged me:
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ , the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:17-19
I can testify that experiencing cancer these past six months has certainly allowed me and my family to know Him more as we have trusted Him and placed our hope in Him regarding my health. Through his Spirit, those of us who believe have access to his incomparably great power - and his power is perfect, able to heal our diseases. Would you please join me and my family in praying for my complete healing as I recover from surgery and make plans for radiation treatment? My hope is that my life will be an testimony of God's healing power.
I'll give you an update next week after I see the doctor. God is good...ALL the time.
Dec 4, 2008
Phase Two
Well, I've had a few weeks since I finished chemo and I must say I haven't missed it! I am slowly regaining my strength - and my hair!! (yes, it has started to grow back - so exciting) just in time to start all over again with phase two - surgery. I am scheduled for surgery on Wed., December 17 at 7:30 am at Baylor Irving. I'll be off work for the remainder of December and possibly the first week or so of January. So right now I am feverishly busy at work, trying to get everything organized and wrapped up. I will be able to do some work from home via laptop once I'm a week or so past surgery, and fortunately things will be slow at the office during the holidays. But still...can they live without me?! Do I want to find out?
I have met with my surgeon and plastic surgeon recently, and actually am meeting with them again this week for pre-op appointments. The only real drama that's going on right now is the radiation issue. My surgeon and chemo doctor both said in passing that they didn't think I would need radiation, but the radiation oncologist said he thought I should do it. :-( The bottom line is that I am a borderline case for radiation since my tumor was 3.5 centimeters (they typically give radiation if the tumor is 5 centimeters or more) and I only had one positive lymph node (they typically do radiation if 4 or more lymph nodes are positive).
After talking to all my doctors, we have agreed to go forward with surgery and then see how the results of the pathology look after surgery. If all the tissue and lymph nodes come back clear and cancer free, as we expect them to, then I will forego radiation. Yea!! (Remember that the chemo did such a great job shrinking the tumor to almost nothing - so I am expecting that it got rid of any other cancerous tissue as well.) If we get a bad report, which I am not even anticipating, then we will re-visit radiation at that time.
SO, PLEASE be in prayer for me and the results of the surgery pathology from the tissue and lymph nodes. I am expecting to be finished with all treatment once I get surgery behind me. I am ready to be cancer free in 2009!
I have met with my surgeon and plastic surgeon recently, and actually am meeting with them again this week for pre-op appointments. The only real drama that's going on right now is the radiation issue. My surgeon and chemo doctor both said in passing that they didn't think I would need radiation, but the radiation oncologist said he thought I should do it. :-( The bottom line is that I am a borderline case for radiation since my tumor was 3.5 centimeters (they typically give radiation if the tumor is 5 centimeters or more) and I only had one positive lymph node (they typically do radiation if 4 or more lymph nodes are positive).
After talking to all my doctors, we have agreed to go forward with surgery and then see how the results of the pathology look after surgery. If all the tissue and lymph nodes come back clear and cancer free, as we expect them to, then I will forego radiation. Yea!! (Remember that the chemo did such a great job shrinking the tumor to almost nothing - so I am expecting that it got rid of any other cancerous tissue as well.) If we get a bad report, which I am not even anticipating, then we will re-visit radiation at that time.
SO, PLEASE be in prayer for me and the results of the surgery pathology from the tissue and lymph nodes. I am expecting to be finished with all treatment once I get surgery behind me. I am ready to be cancer free in 2009!
Nov 15, 2008
An Exciting Ending
Leave it to me to make my last chemo an exciting race to see if it would even happen! On Thursday after work, the left side of my heart felt very heavy and uncomfortable. I kept telling myself I was just under a lot of stress. Keith took me to Fred's Barbecue for dinner, and my left arm began to feel heavy and mildly painful. I argued with myself for a few minutes, trying to convince myself that I was fine. I finally told Keith what was going on, and he said those words I really didn't want to hear: "Let's go to the hospital now."
So off we went. I must say, when you walk into the ER and say the words "chest pain," you get very preferential treatment! (Let me insert a side note that I love Baylor-Irving hospital. I have met the most wonderful, caring staff members there.) They ended up drawing blood, doing an x-ray, an EKG and a CT scan to ensure I was not having a heart attack and that I didn't have a blood clot in my chest - apparently something that can happen when you have cancer. All the tests were clear - I was fine. But the doctor came in and said he was admitting me for the night to watch my blood enzyme levels and for general observation. NOT what I wanted to hear; I wanted to go home.
Instead, Keith and I got to my room around 1:00 am and Keith slept in the chair/bed beside me. We got to sleep around 2:00; they woke us up at 4:00 to do all my vital signs. They were back in the room at 7:00 am. Fun stuff. That morning the doctor said I could be released if I passed a stress test. So I took my first stress test and thankfully passed it with flying colors. The doctor was looking at my heart on the sonogram machine saying, "Beautiful pictures!" (He was originally from Columbia and had a great accent!) No blockage, no problems, my heart is in good shape.
We were all looking at the pictures of my heart when Keith then told the doctor and technician, "She gave that to me 30 years ago." What a precious guy. He melted my heart. Then, it was back to my room to wait to be discharged. It was around 11:00 am and I was scheduled for my last chemo treatment at 12:30. I was DETERMINED to make that treatment happen, even though the doctor had told me earlier that morning that we might have to put it off until next week. I ended up getting discharged at 12:40 and we walked next door to the medical building and started my last chemo. We made it!
Let me back up a moment and explain that it was pretty much decided that my "episode" was caused by stress. Imagine that. I have a very stressful job, (well, really, who doesn't?) and I have continued working a normal schedule with the exception of Friday afternoon chemo treatments. I work for a hedge fund, and the financial crisis has certainly made the stress at work increase. Even though my side effects have been pretty mild during the second half of chemo, I still deal daily with fatigue and other minor ailments. As I have approached the exciting end of chemo, I've been thinking a lot about surgery and all of the current unknowns that go along with that. So, I think I was a lot more stressed than I realized.
Now, back to my last chemo treatment. It didn't exactly go as I had envisioned it. I hadn't had a shower, no makeup, wearing old jeans and a fleece jacket from the night before. But it was wonderful. My mom brought sandwiches for us and the staff, and Paige and Chance arrived about halfway through the treatment. They brought me a darling Cookie Bouquet - the cookies had pink ribbon breast cancer awareness symbols on the front. Then my mom brought out a huge German chocolate cake to add to the celebration. After cake, my mom and dad gave me a huge box from my favorite store - Ann Taylor - and it contained a complete new outfit. Now THAT'S a party!
We watched the last drops of Taxol drip out of the IV, and cheered! My two wonderful nurses, Belinda and Janelle, posed for a picture with me and gave me a certificate called the "Purple Heart" for completing my treatment. It was such an amazing feeling to know I had made it through 4 1/2 months of this thing that I had dreaded - and even more amazing to realize that it WORKED so well for me.
I had my sonogram and MRI last week and learned that the tumor has shrunk from 3.5 centimeters to 5 millimeters. The doctor said the tumor is now so small he wouldn't have known it was there if he didn't know where to look. I am so thankful that I have experienced such great results from my treatment.
This coming Thursday I meet with the surgeon, and begin learning all about surgery and the options. I still have some decisions to make. Please rejoice with me and my family for the succssful conclusion of chemotherapy. I am proud to say I am a survivor but I can't make that statement without giving God all the credit and glory for carrying me through. Now, please continue to keep me in your prayers during these next few weeks as my body regains strength and we make plans for surgery. God is good, all the time!
So off we went. I must say, when you walk into the ER and say the words "chest pain," you get very preferential treatment! (Let me insert a side note that I love Baylor-Irving hospital. I have met the most wonderful, caring staff members there.) They ended up drawing blood, doing an x-ray, an EKG and a CT scan to ensure I was not having a heart attack and that I didn't have a blood clot in my chest - apparently something that can happen when you have cancer. All the tests were clear - I was fine. But the doctor came in and said he was admitting me for the night to watch my blood enzyme levels and for general observation. NOT what I wanted to hear; I wanted to go home.
Instead, Keith and I got to my room around 1:00 am and Keith slept in the chair/bed beside me. We got to sleep around 2:00; they woke us up at 4:00 to do all my vital signs. They were back in the room at 7:00 am. Fun stuff. That morning the doctor said I could be released if I passed a stress test. So I took my first stress test and thankfully passed it with flying colors. The doctor was looking at my heart on the sonogram machine saying, "Beautiful pictures!" (He was originally from Columbia and had a great accent!) No blockage, no problems, my heart is in good shape.
We were all looking at the pictures of my heart when Keith then told the doctor and technician, "She gave that to me 30 years ago." What a precious guy. He melted my heart. Then, it was back to my room to wait to be discharged. It was around 11:00 am and I was scheduled for my last chemo treatment at 12:30. I was DETERMINED to make that treatment happen, even though the doctor had told me earlier that morning that we might have to put it off until next week. I ended up getting discharged at 12:40 and we walked next door to the medical building and started my last chemo. We made it!
Let me back up a moment and explain that it was pretty much decided that my "episode" was caused by stress. Imagine that. I have a very stressful job, (well, really, who doesn't?) and I have continued working a normal schedule with the exception of Friday afternoon chemo treatments. I work for a hedge fund, and the financial crisis has certainly made the stress at work increase. Even though my side effects have been pretty mild during the second half of chemo, I still deal daily with fatigue and other minor ailments. As I have approached the exciting end of chemo, I've been thinking a lot about surgery and all of the current unknowns that go along with that. So, I think I was a lot more stressed than I realized.
Now, back to my last chemo treatment. It didn't exactly go as I had envisioned it. I hadn't had a shower, no makeup, wearing old jeans and a fleece jacket from the night before. But it was wonderful. My mom brought sandwiches for us and the staff, and Paige and Chance arrived about halfway through the treatment. They brought me a darling Cookie Bouquet - the cookies had pink ribbon breast cancer awareness symbols on the front. Then my mom brought out a huge German chocolate cake to add to the celebration. After cake, my mom and dad gave me a huge box from my favorite store - Ann Taylor - and it contained a complete new outfit. Now THAT'S a party!
We watched the last drops of Taxol drip out of the IV, and cheered! My two wonderful nurses, Belinda and Janelle, posed for a picture with me and gave me a certificate called the "Purple Heart" for completing my treatment. It was such an amazing feeling to know I had made it through 4 1/2 months of this thing that I had dreaded - and even more amazing to realize that it WORKED so well for me.
I had my sonogram and MRI last week and learned that the tumor has shrunk from 3.5 centimeters to 5 millimeters. The doctor said the tumor is now so small he wouldn't have known it was there if he didn't know where to look. I am so thankful that I have experienced such great results from my treatment.
This coming Thursday I meet with the surgeon, and begin learning all about surgery and the options. I still have some decisions to make. Please rejoice with me and my family for the succssful conclusion of chemotherapy. I am proud to say I am a survivor but I can't make that statement without giving God all the credit and glory for carrying me through. Now, please continue to keep me in your prayers during these next few weeks as my body regains strength and we make plans for surgery. God is good, all the time!
Nov 7, 2008
The End of Chemo Is In Sight!
I only have one chemo treatment left. This is so amazing to me! I have been in treatment since July 11 and, at that time, mid-November seemed so very far away. But I've made it through! I met with my oncologist today and we are now at the point where she is scheduling my end-of-treatment MRI and my consultation with my surgeon for a couple of weeks from now. So, one phase is ending and another is beginning.
I've learned - and experienced - some pretty incredible things since my diagnosis in June. Three of the most important things I've learned are the wisdom, comfort and importance of God's Word; the incredible power of prayer; and what an amazing support group I have in my family - and friends. Would you believe me if I told you that what I have learned and experienced about my Lord, His Word, prayer, and the people who love me have been worth the five months of nasty chemo? I have to tell you that it's true. I have not enjoyed anything about taking chemo, but I have been so blessed in the process!
A couple of months ago I came across a Psalm I had previously underlined in my Bible, and the passage has been my personal encouragement. I memorized Psalm 103:1-5 and repeat it to myself daily as a reminder of who God is and what He has done for me:
Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul. and forget not all his benefits--
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord IS healing my disease. The tumor is practically gone - it has shrunk by at least 80%. So the chemo has done what we prayed it would do - it worked! Surgery should finish the process. There is a possibility I will have radiation, but that decision will be determined after surgery depending on if my lymph nodes' tissue shows any cancer. I am optimistic that surgery will be the end of my process, but as always, we will trust God to lead us and the doctors in this.
The Lord has certainly redeemed my life from the pit eternally - but He also carried me through the pit of chemotherapy! The first chemo drug I took in July and August was bad - I felt sick all the time, tired all the time, and didn't want to eat much due to nausea. Then I started the second drug and had an allergic reaction to it and it took over two weeks for my hands and feet to heal from the reaction. It was miserable. BUT, this third (and final) drug that I have been taking every Friday since Sept. 5 has been much milder and easier to live with. What a blessing! I feel pretty tired at the end of the day, and I have trouble sleeping on Friday and Saturday nights each week due to the steroids I have to take along with the chemo, but that's really it. Keith's prayer that the chemo would be hard on the cancer and easy on Val has been answered in these last 2 months.
Speaking of prayer - God has satisfied my desires with good things! I can't begin to count the way I have been blessed with good things through answered prayer. I am convinced that the reason I have made it through these months of chemo (while continuing to work every day!) is because of the prayers given on my behalf. My incredible family and extended family has been such a prayer support for me. I will always remember Keith anointing me with oil and praying over me, along with Paige and Chance. What a special memory. And I continue to be amazed to learn of friends and loved ones and even people I've never met who have prayed for me - many have told me how they pray for me EVERY DAY. I am so humbled - and inspired. Knowing how I am being prayed for has changed the way I pray - I have become so much more aware of the power of prayer through my experience that I find myself much more committed to praying for others. I wouldn't have learned this lesson in this way if I hadn't experienced cancer.
Last week was Baylor Homecoming and Paige and Chance visited the KOT (Chance's fraternity) float site the night before the parade - their float won! Chance told me earlier this week that four of his KOT buddies came up to him that night and asked about me! Chance had shared a prayer request for me through an email with other KOTs a while back, and these young men I've never met have been praying for me and keeping up with my progress. Amazing! I am so awed by the breadth of the prayers for me and so glad I have experienced first-hand the prayers of the saints. My positive results from the chemo and the way God carried me through the tough days are a result of those who love the Lord and participate in intercessory prayer. All I can say is thank you for praying for me. It makes a difference.
Another of the "good things" I continue to experience is the wonderful flow of cards and emails of encouragement. I can't tell you how encouraged and loved I feel when I check the mail each day - and find a card from someone I love! I just went through my stack of cards - I keep every one - and I have received 125 cards from you, my loved ones, since the end of June. That boggles my mind! That is pretty darn close to an average of a card a day. I can't put into words how much these cards mean to me and how they have brightened my spirit. Several cards were handmade - so beautiful! - and a few "card warriors" send me a card faithfully every week or every other week. Every card is unique and touches my heart. Who doesn't like to get mail that says, "You are in my thoughts" or "I'm praying for you!!" All I can say is thank you for sending me notes of love. It makes a difference.
And then there is my family. My illness has drawn each of us into a deeper personal relationship with our Father. It has also drawn us into a deeper love for one another, and we tell each other about that love more often than we ever did before. This wouldn't have happened if.... You get my message. Keith, my mom and my dad are faithful to sit with me during my chemo treatments. And Paige calls for a chat during every treatment. I can tell you this means so much to me - especially when so many patients are there alone. I am blessed and loved and so appreciative of the gift of family.
We have experienced the apostle Paul's reminder: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Another reminder that God "satisfies our desires with good things." Even when our situation is difficult and not one of our own choosing. God is good - all the time.
So next Friday, Nov. 14, is my last chemo treatment. At 12:30. We will be celebrating the end of this phase of my treatment. I will also be remembering the prayers...the cards...the meals...the friends...the family...the faithful Lord who brought me through these months. As John tells us in 1John 3:18, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
If you have been a part of my support group, thank you for serving the Lord with your acts of love for me.
I will update you soon with info about my next phase of this journey. Please keep me in your prayers as we plan for surgery.
I've learned - and experienced - some pretty incredible things since my diagnosis in June. Three of the most important things I've learned are the wisdom, comfort and importance of God's Word; the incredible power of prayer; and what an amazing support group I have in my family - and friends. Would you believe me if I told you that what I have learned and experienced about my Lord, His Word, prayer, and the people who love me have been worth the five months of nasty chemo? I have to tell you that it's true. I have not enjoyed anything about taking chemo, but I have been so blessed in the process!
A couple of months ago I came across a Psalm I had previously underlined in my Bible, and the passage has been my personal encouragement. I memorized Psalm 103:1-5 and repeat it to myself daily as a reminder of who God is and what He has done for me:
Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul. and forget not all his benefits--
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord IS healing my disease. The tumor is practically gone - it has shrunk by at least 80%. So the chemo has done what we prayed it would do - it worked! Surgery should finish the process. There is a possibility I will have radiation, but that decision will be determined after surgery depending on if my lymph nodes' tissue shows any cancer. I am optimistic that surgery will be the end of my process, but as always, we will trust God to lead us and the doctors in this.
The Lord has certainly redeemed my life from the pit eternally - but He also carried me through the pit of chemotherapy! The first chemo drug I took in July and August was bad - I felt sick all the time, tired all the time, and didn't want to eat much due to nausea. Then I started the second drug and had an allergic reaction to it and it took over two weeks for my hands and feet to heal from the reaction. It was miserable. BUT, this third (and final) drug that I have been taking every Friday since Sept. 5 has been much milder and easier to live with. What a blessing! I feel pretty tired at the end of the day, and I have trouble sleeping on Friday and Saturday nights each week due to the steroids I have to take along with the chemo, but that's really it. Keith's prayer that the chemo would be hard on the cancer and easy on Val has been answered in these last 2 months.
Speaking of prayer - God has satisfied my desires with good things! I can't begin to count the way I have been blessed with good things through answered prayer. I am convinced that the reason I have made it through these months of chemo (while continuing to work every day!) is because of the prayers given on my behalf. My incredible family and extended family has been such a prayer support for me. I will always remember Keith anointing me with oil and praying over me, along with Paige and Chance. What a special memory. And I continue to be amazed to learn of friends and loved ones and even people I've never met who have prayed for me - many have told me how they pray for me EVERY DAY. I am so humbled - and inspired. Knowing how I am being prayed for has changed the way I pray - I have become so much more aware of the power of prayer through my experience that I find myself much more committed to praying for others. I wouldn't have learned this lesson in this way if I hadn't experienced cancer.
Last week was Baylor Homecoming and Paige and Chance visited the KOT (Chance's fraternity) float site the night before the parade - their float won! Chance told me earlier this week that four of his KOT buddies came up to him that night and asked about me! Chance had shared a prayer request for me through an email with other KOTs a while back, and these young men I've never met have been praying for me and keeping up with my progress. Amazing! I am so awed by the breadth of the prayers for me and so glad I have experienced first-hand the prayers of the saints. My positive results from the chemo and the way God carried me through the tough days are a result of those who love the Lord and participate in intercessory prayer. All I can say is thank you for praying for me. It makes a difference.
Another of the "good things" I continue to experience is the wonderful flow of cards and emails of encouragement. I can't tell you how encouraged and loved I feel when I check the mail each day - and find a card from someone I love! I just went through my stack of cards - I keep every one - and I have received 125 cards from you, my loved ones, since the end of June. That boggles my mind! That is pretty darn close to an average of a card a day. I can't put into words how much these cards mean to me and how they have brightened my spirit. Several cards were handmade - so beautiful! - and a few "card warriors" send me a card faithfully every week or every other week. Every card is unique and touches my heart. Who doesn't like to get mail that says, "You are in my thoughts" or "I'm praying for you!!" All I can say is thank you for sending me notes of love. It makes a difference.
And then there is my family. My illness has drawn each of us into a deeper personal relationship with our Father. It has also drawn us into a deeper love for one another, and we tell each other about that love more often than we ever did before. This wouldn't have happened if.... You get my message. Keith, my mom and my dad are faithful to sit with me during my chemo treatments. And Paige calls for a chat during every treatment. I can tell you this means so much to me - especially when so many patients are there alone. I am blessed and loved and so appreciative of the gift of family.
We have experienced the apostle Paul's reminder: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Another reminder that God "satisfies our desires with good things." Even when our situation is difficult and not one of our own choosing. God is good - all the time.
So next Friday, Nov. 14, is my last chemo treatment. At 12:30. We will be celebrating the end of this phase of my treatment. I will also be remembering the prayers...the cards...the meals...the friends...the family...the faithful Lord who brought me through these months. As John tells us in 1John 3:18, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
If you have been a part of my support group, thank you for serving the Lord with your acts of love for me.
I will update you soon with info about my next phase of this journey. Please keep me in your prayers as we plan for surgery.
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