Today is a momentous day. My emotions are on high alert and the (happy) tears are ready to spill over. One year ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Last night Keith and I sat up past midnight (and I am paying for it today!), reminiscing about the highs and lows of the past year. It was such a sweet time of sharing our memories and reminding each other of the ways God blessed us – through His presence, His peace, through the kind acts of others. We remembered the very hard day when we had to drive to Waco to tell Paige and Chance about my diagnosis – and they had only been married for three weeks! And we remembered the good day three weeks ago, on June 2, when I received the positive report from my CT scan showing NO cancer. And we talked about the ways God has changed us by strengthening our faith and our desire to walk near to Him each day. He grew our love and respect for one another to a new, deeper level.
There is a beautiful passage in Isaiah 38 where King Hezekiah writes a joyful tribute to honor God for his healing. He says, “You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.” And there you have it. God took something bad like cancer and wove it into a benefit (blessing). Isn’t that just like God? When I allow Him to be in control, I receive an overflow of joy and peace – regardless of my circumstances.
I told Keith last night that once all my treatments ended in March, I spent a few weeks being concerned (okay, I admit it, I was worried!) about if or when cancer might recur. Let’s face it, it happens sometimes. But those worries/fears/concerns have simply disappeared. “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matt. 6:27) I just refuse to worry about the future. One of our favorite sayings as I was going through cancer treatments was, “It is what it is.” But last night I said, “You know, I’m no longer saying, ‘It is what it is.’ Now, “It is whatever He wants it to be.”
So here we are, one year later. We are much wiser, much stronger, much more blessed. This time last year my sweet pastor sent us a note of encouragement and reminded us that, “God is ENOUGH.” He was right. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26)
Today is the first day of the rest of my life WITHOUT cancer. Paige and Chance sent me a beautiful bouquet of pink flowers to celebrate my first survivor anniversary. Keith is taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I am blessed beyond measure. Ain’t life grand??
Jun 24, 2009
Jun 23, 2009
Cancer in the Past Tense!
This is a very momentous week. Wednesday, June 24, is the one year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. My mind has been in overload for several days as I have been revisiting countless events and emotions from this past year. I have been through four months of chemo, one major surgery and three day surgeries, six weeks of radiation, countless tests, shots, bloodwork, etc. The great news is that Dr. Juvvadi declared me to be cancer-free on June 2! I still have another major reconstruction surgery on December 9, but between now and then I have no reason to visit my recent home away from home - Baylor Medical Center at Irving. I just get to be NORMAL!
Speaking of returning to normal, I said good-bye and packed away my WIG on May 2. I now have a thick head of hair with the exception of my bangs, which are still a little short. However - my hair came back CURLY! It's just the craziest thing. I've had to learn how to dry curly hair, how to style it...and most of all, I've had to get used to the strange person looking back at me when I look in the mirror. I look different. But I suppose I AM different. I've been through a life-changing year and not only do I look different on the outside, but I am different on the inside, too.
There is nothing like a cancer diagnosis to cause you to reconsider your priorities (cleaning house is way down on the list now!). This diagnosis also sent me straight into the arms of a loving Savior who led me and mine through the ups and downs of treatment with such hope, joy, and PEACE. I had some really tough days, and I can still recall the wretchedness of nausea and fatigue with such clarity, but He was always so near and never failed to give me strength for the moment.
As I contemplate the events of the past year, the word that most often comes to mind is GRATITUDE. I don't have the words (or the space) to describe how grateful I am for where I've been and where I am today. I've told some of you that if I were given a do-over for June 24, 2008, and had the opportunity to avoid the cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't take it. I have been so blessed by God's faithfulness, by His nearness, His strength, His love...I am different - and better- because of this journey. I discovered there is joy in His presence, regardless of my circumstances. I wouldn't have learned this incomparable lesson without being in this hard place.
I am also so grateful to my family for surrounding me with love and supporting me with their presence and their prayers. They sat with me through the doctor appointments, the treatments, the surgeries. They cooked me goodies, gave me presents - but their best gift was the time we spent together. We learned about crazy things like blood counts and the settings on the chemo drip – and I was so happy to have them with me.
Sweet Keith. I wish I could describe the ways he loved me this year. His presence makes me stronger. He saw me at my very worst – no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I looked pitiful. But he didn’t mind, or even notice. That’s because he loves my heart. I know this because he told me so. His love makes me stronger. He is the most amazing man I know, and I get to grow old with him.
I am grateful, too, for my extended family, church family and friends who prayed me through these months. Let me be perfectly clear: I am certain that the reason I made it through these months was due to the prayers of the saints. The kindness of so many through their cards, notes, phone calls, food, flowers – more kindness than I can name – has given me precious memories.
So, I want to send a great, big THANK YOU to all of you who have loved me this year. I want you to know I love you back. I want you to know that you have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family. As Keith often says, “Ain’t life grand?” Yes, it truly is.
Speaking of returning to normal, I said good-bye and packed away my WIG on May 2. I now have a thick head of hair with the exception of my bangs, which are still a little short. However - my hair came back CURLY! It's just the craziest thing. I've had to learn how to dry curly hair, how to style it...and most of all, I've had to get used to the strange person looking back at me when I look in the mirror. I look different. But I suppose I AM different. I've been through a life-changing year and not only do I look different on the outside, but I am different on the inside, too.
There is nothing like a cancer diagnosis to cause you to reconsider your priorities (cleaning house is way down on the list now!). This diagnosis also sent me straight into the arms of a loving Savior who led me and mine through the ups and downs of treatment with such hope, joy, and PEACE. I had some really tough days, and I can still recall the wretchedness of nausea and fatigue with such clarity, but He was always so near and never failed to give me strength for the moment.
As I contemplate the events of the past year, the word that most often comes to mind is GRATITUDE. I don't have the words (or the space) to describe how grateful I am for where I've been and where I am today. I've told some of you that if I were given a do-over for June 24, 2008, and had the opportunity to avoid the cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't take it. I have been so blessed by God's faithfulness, by His nearness, His strength, His love...I am different - and better- because of this journey. I discovered there is joy in His presence, regardless of my circumstances. I wouldn't have learned this incomparable lesson without being in this hard place.
I am also so grateful to my family for surrounding me with love and supporting me with their presence and their prayers. They sat with me through the doctor appointments, the treatments, the surgeries. They cooked me goodies, gave me presents - but their best gift was the time we spent together. We learned about crazy things like blood counts and the settings on the chemo drip – and I was so happy to have them with me.
Sweet Keith. I wish I could describe the ways he loved me this year. His presence makes me stronger. He saw me at my very worst – no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I looked pitiful. But he didn’t mind, or even notice. That’s because he loves my heart. I know this because he told me so. His love makes me stronger. He is the most amazing man I know, and I get to grow old with him.
I am grateful, too, for my extended family, church family and friends who prayed me through these months. Let me be perfectly clear: I am certain that the reason I made it through these months was due to the prayers of the saints. The kindness of so many through their cards, notes, phone calls, food, flowers – more kindness than I can name – has given me precious memories.
So, I want to send a great, big THANK YOU to all of you who have loved me this year. I want you to know I love you back. I want you to know that you have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family. As Keith often says, “Ain’t life grand?” Yes, it truly is.
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